House of Brews

If you've been living under a rock for the past 48 hours, the biggest news right now is that the Republic of Haiti was built on a fault line and is now suffering the consequences of geo-parkinsons disease.

Previous to the quake, if you've never heard of it, Haiti was an impoverished nothingstate that made little difference to the world.

Bill Clinton states that 'We Can Rebuild' Haiti." Fortunately for us, that won't be very difficult since the population of the country has been reduced by half and almost all of the popsicle sticks that composed the original infrastructure are still there. It's really just a big game of pick-up sticks (and bodies) before it's right back to its orignal shambles!

Now that a few thousand people have died as a direct result of an inevitable, predictable disaster, veritably every wealthy country in the world is suddenly somehow giving a shit. Personally I've never met a Haitian except the ones that shot at me in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and in my opinion those coke-running mexican'ts got their just-dessert. Besides, everyone knew that country was going to hell back when they signed that pact with the devil.

In related news, your local Sonic is running a special on Haiti shakes to celebrate. Sounds pretty tasty: "Bananas and Chocolate chips to remind you of the fallen trees and shattered earth, with Strawberry syrup so sweet you can almost taste the tragedy so many just suffered!" Get yours now while they last!

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. To make up for it, please allow me to wish you all a happy Newhanukwanzmas Year, you illiterate lazy cuntbuttons that refuse to update the blog yourselves while I'm out. You know, it takes a lot of hard work to offend this many people at once...